The Seasons of Life

With the recent passing of my mom, I feel the world is topsy-turvy.  Yet, I spent some time at our property today and the ground was still under my feet, the blue sky above, and the river still flowed. It appears all is as it should be, after all.

As I walked in the woods, I noticed the leaves already taking on colors of fall. It struck me that we see their greatest beauty right before they die. It’s when we stop to notice them and are in awe of their magnificence. Sometimes it is like that with people, too.

My mom was a truly amazing soul, but for most of my life I saw her primarily as Mom. It was in the last year, as she started a more rapid decline, that I finally learned to appreciate her true beauty. 

Like the trees I noticed today, she matured from a sapling, weathered many storms and grew to provide so much to those around her. She was strong and sturdy, and we came to believe she was a permanent fixture in our lives. Then one day we noticed her leaves changing.

As we witnessed her decline, her underlying beauty became evident: she had a heart of gold, a kindness that transcended prejudices, and a thousand-watt smile. These had always been there, but just as we don’t notice the trees until their foliage changes, we simply stopped perceiving them. 

Like the life cycle of the tree, all of life is made up of cycles and seasons. None of us know how long ours will last and when our end will come. 

We try to avoid thinking about that, and in the process, we often stop living consciously. We are always doing, doing, and doing; trying to cram in so much living between the beginning and the end. 

Rather than seeing life as one big season with a finite beginning and end, we can instead remember our season is made of infinite individual moments. These moments can be big and dramatic, or intimate and heartfelt; they can be joyful or sad; they can be uplifting or debilitating; they can be of every emotion and experience we can imagine. 

All these doing moments are great, but we also need to have in-between moments, and it is here—when we practice being—we get to savor life and become more aware. 

Many of us are not accustomed to living in awareness—we prefer all that doing to being because it’s more comfortable. However, if we can move toward more awareness, I know our lives and those around us will be so much richer. 

To get the most of our season takes an effort to stop so much doing and engage in more being; to shift our focus to seeing—truly seeing—those around us; to appreciate the differences as much as we appreciate the similarities; to recognize heart felt kindness and to offer it in return; to be generous in not only our giving, but also in our thoughts; to stop taking life and our place in it with such gravity and instead laugh more, smile at strangers, and notice how incredibly beautiful human nature is; to breath deeper, look up at the sky, watch the rivers flow, and feel the ground beneath your feet. 

These are the things that help steady us in this ever-shifting life and help us enjoy our particular season in all its glory.

I Spy…America’s Heartland

We recently made a trip from our home in Northern Illinois to Cedar Falls, Iowa. It’s a trip we’ve made often and whenever we are contemplating the trip, I grouse about how far it is. However, once we get an hour or so from home, I forget all about the 4.5 hour drive and simply relax and enjoy the spectacular views, especially as we near Galena, Illinois and the Mississippi River area.

If you’ve been lucky enough to drive through the Galena area, you know what I mean; if you haven’t been through there, put it on your “must visit” list. Galena itself is a charming hamlet of 19th century buildings, quaint shops, a park at the Galena River and at least one overlook from which you can see three states! Also in that area are resorts, ski hills, the Mississippi River, wineries, and antique shopping. No surprise it is on America’s Top Ten Small Towns list! However, what I really wanted to talk about is the beauty of our heartland farms.

During our travels, we like to take different routes coming and going, and often go off the beaten path, so we can enjoy more scenery. Some people would be bored by the sporadic farms and tiny towns, but to us they are soothing. While we associate these farms with days gone by and sippin’ sweet tea on the porch, and while from a distance they are endearing, idyllic, and convey a simple life, the truth is these are working farms and are the bread and butter–literally–of our country. (U.S. farms outnumber U.S. factories by 1000x!)

Wheat, corn, pig, dairy, and all farms require work. Lots and lots of it. Farming isn’t a job for these folks, it’s a lifestyle. Planting and harvesting take place at the whims of the seasons and growth cycles of the crops; dairy cows must be milked no matter the weather, the farmer’s health (there are no sick days to take), or other engagements that may be more fun; pig farming, I’ve learned from a pig farmer friend of ours, actually requires far more than putting pigs in a sty and awaiting them to fatten up; and all commercial farms require lots of bureaucratic red tape.

I believe any of the farmers by whose farms we pass would be pleased to know their farm has brought us a moment of joy/peace. I think they’d also be mighty thankful if we also took a moment to appreciate their hard work and sacrifice to provide food and products for our well-being. You may make your grocery purchases at your local grocer, but it’s the farmer who made that possible.

It is a blessing to be able to visit our heartland and take in the beauty of our surroundings and pay homage to our ancestors who traversed these lands to set up their homesteads. And…just when I was getting misty eyed thinking how easy I have it with modern conveniences, we rounded the corner and saw this as confirmation of my thoughts!

What Is HOME to You?

We have friends and family in many different locations and we always enjoy our visits to them. However, regardless the amount of fun, good conversation, or activity enjoyed at each stop, I am always grateful to get back home.

We have been shopping for a new home for well over four years now. Many people will find that ridiculous and I’ve even heard a few, “Come on and buy a house already!” type comments. For me, it’s simply not that easy. Why? Because in my eyes a house represents home, but home encompasses so many aspects outside the physical structure. Yet, I am at odds with my own belief right now.

I love visiting family in Dallas, Texas. They live in a luxury high-rise, with mid-mod furnishings, in the heart of the city. It’s a beautiful place, the view is spectacular, the proximity of restaurants, museums, and parks is impressive. It’s a vibrant and fun, always-something-to-see-and-do-lifestyle, but not at all how I’d see myself living.

Yet, being there was fun, comfortable, uplifting and most importantly, I felt welcomed and loved. It isn’t my home, but I felt at home.

The same is true for our visits back to Virginia. Regardless if we are in a rural setting or enjoying the beautiful Rappahannock River outside the door, we are comfortable and connected. Again, we feel at home.

Based on the mutual love and comfort shared with each family member, and the sadness felt upon leaving each of our hosts, I’d argue its actually family that makes a home. Yet, the pull to be back to our own home is always stronger than the pull to stay with family. I find that odd as it’s just me, Mike and our pets in our home.

Each time we leave family, I feel a void in my heart, but when I return home there is also a fullness from being back home.  This has me contemplating:

• Why does home, without family (not counting adult children who live on their own) still draw us back?
• How is it possible to be so far from the places we grew up/lived in for many years, but so easily settle in and create a place that feels like home?
• If home is about the structure or the memories, then why are we able to revisit homes we lived in and not feel any desire to live in them again?

The conclusion I’ve come to–and this may not be the conclusion you arrive at–is that for me, home is the environment I’ve decided to surround myself with. It’s not all about one particular thing; it’s the collective experience. Family, friends, strangers, places, household furnishings, home location, activities, memories we create, jobs and hobbies, and so much more all come together to create the patchwork layers of our environment. Home is where we let those layers settle around us.

So, as I come full-circle in my thinking about home and why I’m struggling with finding the right one, it’s because I have a very specific vision of the environment I want to create. I need a house, in a location that can act as the canvas for my vision. Once that is settled, I will fill in the picture with friends and family, pets and furnishings, and most importantly love and great memories.

I’m happy to call this dwelling, this place I lay my hat, home. For now.

A Well Designed Life

Hi, I’m Tina and I’d like to welcome you to N’stead! While the site is a compilation of my husband Mike’s and my own lifestyle and skills, I’m the voice behind the blog so let me tell you a little about myself.

I’m one of those people who always see the glass half-full and know there are a wellspring of glass-filling substances available at all times. Yep, that’s me…I’m one of those optimists! As such, I see my life as an adventure to be lived, a chance to explore the things that interest and excite me, and an opportunity to design my surroundings to comfort, inspire, and uplift me. If you’re looking for an wild adventure blog, this isn’t it…I’m talking about a simple, everyday life that is fulfilling. A life that is actually quite well designed–for me/us.

Through the years, I have realized my outlook and the way I live my life is my greatest gift to others. I didn’t always feel this way and spent a lot of time soul-searching for ways to be more.

I have a world-traveling husband and friends–their stories entertain and delight others. I’m a home body, hate to fly, and prefer to be in my pj’s on the sofa cuddling with my dog than trekking the Himalayas. Yet, somehow I often felt like a shrinking violet when among travelers and their tales. Like I was less than. Unimaginative. Not adventurous enough. Rather than openly embracing my choice not to travel, I stayed in the shadows.

I have friends always dashing off to their homes in multiple locations. In contrast, I spend a good majority of my time feathering my current nest and looking for our next home. Not an additional home, not our dream home, but an “it’s time to live the life we want” retirement home. A home warm and welcoming to our friends and family–and my eventual grandbabies!

We seldom eat out; I feel like cooking and baking for friends and loved ones is a language of love that I am happy share. I talk to my dog like a child and enjoy agility classes and training with her; others would rather be out listening to bands and having cocktails. Mike and I spend an inordinate amount of time seeking out antiques, flea market finds, Pyrex and other treasures. Most people we hang out with are tossing that stuff to the curb. (Please, just let me know and I’ll come salvage what I can!)

A lot of people go to school and into a life-long career. I have enjoyed a lifetime of being a scanner–one who uses her abilities to try on many different vocations.

I admit that I used to compare myself to others in our circle of peers, and most times felt inadequate. I no longer do either comparing or feeling inadequate! My life is my life. I’m not here to impress or please others. I’m not here to do/be/have by anyone else’s parameters. I am here to find joy, give love, and use my gifts to the best of my ability.

Once I stopped my self-comparison and letting others’ opinions matter, I realized my life is exactly as I want it; exactly as I have designed it!

It’s a life I love, and loving my life means I am relaxed and engaged with others. I am often a voice of support, advice, comfort, encouragement; I offer a different perspective on issues; I have a good dose of common sense; I’m handy and pretty self-sufficient. I’m intuitive (don’t lie to me, I can feel it!) and empathetic. I’m courteous and helpful, yet don’t like being taking advantage of. I value others and their beliefs, yet defend my own. I’m a staunch believer in self-educating versus taking things at face value. I am comfortable that the life I live is perfect for me and I don’t feel the need to push against the life anyone else is living. While I don’t feel I have settled in my life, I have settled into my life and the many joys it provides me.

While it’s actually hard to put into words, I now know this: my essence and the simplicity of my life is my gift to share with others. I no longer seek to be more; I am enough as I am.

However, just because I love my life, it doesn’t mean I’m done designing it. I’m writing a new chapter and it begins today, right here on this blog!

I can’t promise life-changing advice or inspiration, but I hope to at least provide some entertainment, some creative ideas, and to build camaraderie through stories of our projects and everyday life as seen through my eyes! I always have a lot on my mind so you never know what I may write about. However, I can assure you there will be posts about interior decorating, entertaining, up-cycling, fixing things, cooking and baking–we both do our fair share, our dog Pippa, our cat Roudie, friendship, and definitely household projects and repairs.

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